Wednesday, 21 November 2012

Is it right to criticise? or moan?


A word I have heard a lot recently.

Have I been moaning too much?

Is life really as hard as I make it out to be?

Whatever anybody tells me, however much I annoy people... LIFE IS HARD.

My list of problems currently;
1) No money, literally NO MONEY, I am living off credit.
2) The university I am at is lacking, lacking in passionate teachers, lacking in resources, just lacking.
3) I am lacking motivation- I want to write, but I keep changing my mind on what I want to write!!Arrgghhh!
4) I still live with my mother and sister.
5) These are all holding me back.

But of course I must balance this out with the positives....

1) I have a wonderful boyfriend.
2) I am healthy/alive...(to an extent)
3) I'm not homeless?


Well anyway, looks like I am the moany bugger everyone makes me out to be, but wouldn't you be moaning?

On the upside, I am liking the idea of being the next Tina Fey, writing some fantastic sitcoms or just editing them. I am feeling it combines my acting dream and my writing dream...
But I must get my arse into gearrr!

I suppose feeling sorry for my situation will get me absolutely nowhere...

Back to the 'thesis', I also criticise people a lot, whether we realise it or not we all judge other people. I shouldn't, such things as;

"She has a manly face"
" Eugh that outfit"
"Personally not my taste..." etc.

I suppose that's my womenly side coming out, it doesn't come out often, and I can see why...

Anyway, it has been a while since I blogged and it needed a kick start.
I will be blogging more and maybe posting some ideas up, I would like to know what you think etc.

And if anyone out there ever meets me here is a fair warning that I am a moany miserable so and so !!!


Ciao Ciao!!

Friday, 12 October 2012

University, The start of the journey...

I know it has been some time AGAIN since I have posted but I have honestly been so busy.

Starting uni I naively thought that we would be eased in nice and slowly...get some explanations, expectations of what the tutors want etc.


Clearly that is too much to ask.

Thrown in right at the deep end, asked to complete multiple worksheets, read tons of books and understand every single thing I read in so much depth my head is bound to explode.
As you may know my background is somewhat a mixture of academics and performing arts, mostly focusing recently on acting and performing.
You may also know I decided to change all that and go straight into academics again. I thought I was ready to handle it after a gap year, I thought I was ready for a pile of work and books. In some ways I was right, If I had gone straight from A-level to University I think I would have torn all my hair out by now.

The problem isn't really the worksheets, or even the reading, its having to analyse everything critically, having to know what the authors thinking, or what the difference between liberals views on ideology compared to conservative views.
And the most guidance they give you is; Well what do you think?
I have told you what I think! now help me put it into a comprehensible sentence/thesis/paragraph!

You have to be 10-20 steps ahead of everything that's happening. You need to know what's coming up in 2 weeks time and read LOTS for it.

One last rant, HOW and I mean this in all sincerity HOW do people manage to drink/stay up late/socialise as much as they do AND keep up with coursework/essays? They must be gods.

Anyway, amongst all that hate, I am actually getting used to the demanding work schedule and reading, however I want to get ahead of the game and I am finding that hard.

I think I may just start a literature blog, I think it would help me keep up to date and give some in depth analysis on some of my thoughts.

I am sure I will get into the swing of things soon, but of course being a student other matters are prominent like money/travel/friends?/ food. ha.

Anyway, I will let you all know when my new blog is out etc.

Have a good day! God knows I need some motivation right now ( I have a cold also, not helping)


Sunday, 23 September 2012

Starting University

On the 17th of September I started my journey towards a degree.
It was induction week at Kingston University, got to admit, it was fairly boring.

But during the week I had a long think about what it is I want to do. I love drama, music and the arts. But am I the right person to be taking on a career like this?
No was the conclusion I came too.

I love acting, I love singing and being there in the limelight. But how often will that happen being in that career, thousands maybe millions of people want to pursue a career in acting/singing and I am not ready to be in those thousands. I am not saying I am 'giving up', far from it. When/If my passion comes to the forefront of my life I will go out there and attack any audition I can get. Until then my logic has taken over and I decided to change my degree course entirely...

Instead of Drama and Politics I have decided to go for English Literature and Politics. My love of writing has come at a later age because the pressure has been lifted of NEEDING to write, and it comes to WANTING to write.

I know at degree level the pressure will be back on, and this time tripled in amount but I am up for the challenge!
Saying it now the gap year I took was well needed, I didn't rush into anything and now I have had a look back at myself I know I needed a safety net.

However, whatever your dream is I suggest if you have that passion/drive for the subject or career, for god sake do not waste it and go for it. Even if you think its impossible, in my life time of nearly 20 years if I have learnt anything it is that nothings impossible!

For god sake I'm nothing special and I have sung in English National Opera, been in a TV advert, had multiple retail jobs the most recent being Buckingham Palace, written and review for the Royal Albert Hall and now I am going to university to study English Literature when I didn't even take it at A-level!
I think as the saying goes 'The proof is in the pudding' !

Onto another issue, one of my big worries about starting university was making friends...
As I am not living in halls or near the campus this is going to be a difficult situation for myself.
However, I have met a couple of people in my Politics class that are 'my cup of tea' as people say. They have a high level of intelligence, are that little bit older and respect learning.
Hopefully I can keep up with social aspects as well as learning but I know that will be a challenge.

I am one of those people who acts differently with different company or in different situations. So if people are having fun, I will. If people are studying I will get in that mind set so on and so forth.

Anyway, to wrap things up I can not wait to extend my knowledge of literature and English vocabulary. Maybe one day I will be in the publishing business (here's hoping!)

Like I always say I love opinions and comments..

Leave one!

Ciao for now. 

Friday, 14 September 2012

My review has been published!

The review I blogged earlier has now been officially published on the Albert Hall website, it has been shortened a tad but who cares!

Check it outtttttt!

Officially been published ;)

Feel a sense a accomplishment!


Tuesday, 11 September 2012

The BBC Proms

Well the other day I actually won a competition...
It was the review the BBC Proms, cool I know! haha

But anyway I thought I would post the finished article on here as well for you to give your opinions and thoughts :)

My Royal night at the BBC Proms

Last Friday (The 7th of September) was mine and my partner’s first trip to ‘The Royal Albert Hall’ to see the BBC Proms.
In fact, to be more specific it was Prom 75: The Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra performing Haydn’s symphony number 107 and Strauss’s Alpine symphony.

On arrival to the hall I was lost for words, approaching this vast beauty of architecture. The dome shaped building with all its grandeur was utterly breath taking. We entered the main entrance to collect our tickets, and then headed to our seats. All of the staff were extremely friendly and well mannered.

Entering the hall was again an experience in itself, the hall was illuminated with coloured lights and decorative banners which told us we certainly had arrived at the proms.
The tension of pre-performance wasn’t a long one as we sat down and discussed the beauty of our surroundings the lights dimmed and the orchestra appeared from the side of the stage.
They were welcomed of course with a warm round of applause and then were seated ready to tune up and begin. The conductor Bernard Haitink entered with grace and poise well prepared to start Haydn’s last ever symphony entitled ‘London’; Quite fitting for the location! The air began to fill with a slow simple melody which slowly injected its way around the circular hall. The tension of the piece slowly built with crescendos and healthy harmonies slowly arising. The mellow vibrancy and simple melodic phrases only found in classical works such as Haydn or of course Mozart. This was 30 minutes of mellow music with a string dominated orchestra just characteristic of the classical period, which I think is just charming. At the end the orchestra were again welcomed by a colossal round of applause, which was well deserved.

The lights arose and the interval began, we decided to take a wonder around the halls and admire the pictures of celebrities who have played in this wondrous hall. We then headed to get a bottle of water which took a while because of the queues, and then returned for the second half.

As we walked in the setting of the stage had changed to accommodate the full orchestra needed for a Strauss Symphony.
The same round of applause was used to greet them once more and we began. The mood had definitely changed as we have moved on through music history into the late romantic period. The full orchestra took us out of our seats and astounded us. The addition of the wind and percussion section just added a fuller sound in which everyone could appreciate. These 50 minutes of Strauss told a story and the ups and downs kept me seduced the whole way through.
When the whole event was finished the orchestra was met by astronomical applause and admiration for their superb playing. In fact this caused the conductor to go on and off stage several times and then to my surprise an encore was played!

Such a fantastic night and reminded me that the sophistication and regal atmosphere is why the Royal albert hall remains one of the top music venues.
It certainly put the ‘Royal’ into the Albert hall.

Written by Sophie Ogden

There it is for you, hope you enjoy it!

Also here are a few pics I took;

Me and the boyfriend looking smart!
 I know I haven't blogged in a while, I will do soon and I am starting University so might have a few bits to write about!


Friday, 24 August 2012

A London endeavour

As I had a couple of days off from work I decided not to sit around as I usually do but do something.
Also the fact it was mine and my boyfriends anniversary kind of helped(1 year).

On Wednesday night (the night of our anniversary) we decided, despite having no money to go out somewhere nice. We went to a Mexican restaurant in Leicester square called Chiquitos, it was amazing!
The atmosphere was lovely and the choice on the menu spectacular!
We received free nachos to begin with and came just in time for the weekday happy hour on cocktails which meant they were all £3.50 hooray!
The array of traditional Mexican cuisine was so much, I decided to go for the traditional fajitas BUT with two types of sauce on the chicken. I had a sticky BBQ one and one named Louisiana hot.
It came on a sizzling plate with mini fajita wraps and loads of little extras including cheese/lettuce/sour cream/salsa/guacamole, just amazing!
Highly recommended.
My boyfriend decided to take a picture of me whilst enjoy them...

yum yum fajitas!

After the restaurant we headed to the Ben&Jerry's shop (for my benefit of course) and there I decided on an ice cream milkshake, any Ben&Jerry icecream flavour in a I went for my favourite choice of phish food. SO NICE. So creamy and a little bit sickly but worth the money I paid.
My boyfriend
And then we decided to be tourists for a bit.

But not for very long you'll be pleased to know,we headed home for the night.

London Zoo

The next day I woke up wanting to do something exciting, but we all know that costs money. But you don't get many opportunities to have a nice day out so we went to London zoo for the day.
Started out as a lovely day nice weather and an elated mood to match, we booked out tickets only £20 each, which I think isn't too pricey!
Got 2 buses to the zoo and started our tour.
The venue is MASSIVE we were lost straight away.
Penguins were what we spotted first luckily this made me happy, such delightful birds. And they were darting about in the water.
As we continued we found it hard to find anything and this got tiring and eventually we were exhausted. We saw just about everything, my favourite being the bats!
And they have an aquarium built in with the zoo so extra value right there.
I will upload pictures to my blog google+ account if you want to see more but here are a few pics I managed to take on my phone.

Upside down jellyfish


Moon Jellyfish

A bird that tried to attack Damo!

Dragon fish

Look fishes!


All in all a good day and totally worth the money, the only thing I disliked was the amount of children moaning and banging into me!
They just have no manners/awareness. 

Anyway I hope you enjoyed my recent endeavours and I am sure I will have some more opinions about life to share soon! 

Bye for now!


Sunday, 12 August 2012

Everyone wants to be on top

A thought hit me the other day whilst on the humid and sticky Picadilly line...

Everyone wants to be something, there are millions of people wanting/competing to be the top of their game. Or even to be in their dream careers!

So when I am sat there thinking about how hard it is to be an actress or a singer or a musician. I now think, everyone else thinks that too.
When you are sat at an audition or an interview you think 'everyone is better than me' they must have more experience/more talent, but what if they don't? What if in fact you are superior in that respect?

Self doubt is something EVERYONE of us has. It's the first thing we think, could we have done more? are we prepared enough? we will succeed?

Most of the time you know if you're prepared, deep down honesty lies there, you either made enough of an effort or you didn't.

You have to live in the moment. However hard it is not to look into the future and determine your own fate, you have to resist.
Also looking into the past and saying 'what if?' that is all irrelevant now. The past has gone it has been left behind for you to live in the present and nothing else.

Threat is a big topic on auditions/interviews. As I was saying we judge ourselves and others around us in these tense situations.
In my line of work what comes into mind is 'she has better looks' or 'he's in good shape' or most of all I bet they can dance/sing/act/unicycle/speak 10 different languages....
But in fact, all you need to know is your strengths.

My mum showed me a clip from that program 'Superstar' yesterday including a guy called Nathan who was an amazing singer. But the fact is he knew he was. He used that confidence to perform well and sing well all the time. He never made a mistake and was flawless.
But Andrew Lloyd Webber hated him. He hated that he was a diva. But his talent was undeniable...

What is that fine line between cockiness and being humble about your talent?
And when does confidence turn into cockiness? You are slated for being too shy, too confident, too talented, not talented enough..
There is no such thing as perfection which I think today's society needs to fully understand.

Don't let people's opinions get to you, because in the end they are not fact they are SOMEONE'S thoughts.

I may not like some celebrities or pop stars but I respect where they are and what they do because the industry is tough and they do well not to let it get to them.
A good example of this is Lady Gaga, she is admired by millions and called crazy by millions more, but she doesn't let it effect her. She knows it happens, she is probably hurt by people's comments. But she remains to be herself. And for that I admire her.

The moral of this blog is basically just get on with YOUR life, don't let people ruin it for you. Don't let silly doubts get in the way of living your dream. Because the fact is, everyone could be where they want to be.

All you need is self confidence and determination!

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Confidence, What is too much?

Confidence has always played a vital role in my life, whether it has appeared when needed or in fact not appeared at all.

In any career, especially performance based confidence is a key factor.
You need it to give you the adrenaline to perform in front of millions of people or a few people who can change your career forever.

Over the years whilst performing both acting and singing I have met a lot of people who have similar goals in life to me. And they all seem to differ from me in one way.
They have mounds of confidence, in themselves and what they do. Which is a great thing to have!

But the question is, when does confidence become over-confident?
and when does cockiness and arrogance start worming there way in...

From my experience and from my perspective I find most (not all) people who are in my profession to be intolerable. Their confidence spreads into their everyday life which causes an over dramatic side to follow with great speed. And sitting there talking to someone about themselves all day doesn't strike me as a day I would enjoy.

My view on drama/acting/singing is this:
I act when I need too, I sing when I need too and I don't let it take over me.

I am believe it or not quite a level headed person who also enjoys using the right side of my brain as well as my left side. I like that I can do this, but it also means I don't quite "fit in" anywhere...
I love drama, music and writing, but I also like the logic of a good political debate or working with computers.

Most people in the performance profession are creative and not much goes on with logic, I would say emotion takes over like in a performance.

You may think I am being quite biased but I have a mother who is an opera singer and I have performed since the age of 8, so you would think I would be all for over-confident!
But living with a dramatic mother all of your life puts a dampener on the excitement it is supposed to bring.

I also think there are a lot of factors with confidence, but here are just a few;
-Good looks
-Good figure
-Actual talent
-Multiple talent (can sing/act/dance/play an instrument)
-Being supported from a young age
-And most important LUCK!

You can be the most talented person in the world, but unless you are at the right place at the right time you won't get anywhere...
I've been taught this from a young age and I believe it to be the truth!

When I get all of the above ^ I will let you know how the confidence thing is going....
Who knows I might become the thing I most hate!


I would love to hear people's opinions on the subject and there experiences, and like I said I love a good debate ! 

Thursday, 12 July 2012


Does anyone believe in Karma anymore? Is it just a worldly phenomenon that we get our just deserts or  is it just coincidence that what goes around comes around?

The fact is that is what I've been asking myself today.

I am a very opinionated person and sometimes that conflicts with others especially those who lack outside views on the world. I can also just be hated by people for being myself.
I suppose this is bound to happen in my lifetime. Some people were born to make friends and keep them. I on the other-hand have a couple of friends I keep in touch with but I would not say I have those people that have stuck around.
Which is quite a sad thing to admit to yourself...

I have realised that I am who I am, even if that's someone who is still learning/growing which is what everyone is doing.

I don't like being hated or disliked for no reason, because the fact being is that is in fact a childish thing to do.
I've learnt over my lifetime not to do, although it is hard not to judge people I try and accept everyone that is nice to me. If not then that is a reason to dislike. But hatred is such a strong word. I must say I don't think I hate anyone even if I use the word.

Well, today I have decided to be the bigger person and this is my pact:

I am going to apologise to everyone who I have done a wrong too. Even if they perhaps have been as horrible if not more horrible to me. I am going to make a mends with people. If those people let me.
If not I will still be the bigger/more mature person and in the end that is something to be proud of.

But in the end I know my destiny in life might not be to make friends.
It might lead to a life of acquaintances but that is something I will have to accept.

In the end, how sad it is to admit.
I like being alone. I've grown accustom to it. 

But having that one person by your side who is your boyfriend/best friend helps.

Anyway, moral of the blog...

I'm going to apologise/make amends/be the mature person.

Wish me luck.


Wednesday, 27 June 2012


It has just dawned on me that my long term goals have been pushed aside these last few months. And to be honest I can't afford to be doing that. If I want to get into drama school, which I do! Then I need to get practising and learning my monologues, I need to be perfection... I need to be more than perfection.
Impossible? most probably.

But having this full-time job and a part-time job is tiring me out. Draining me.
And the saddest thing is I have absolutely no money to show for it... ridiculous

Also as I'm going to university this year that is on my mind. I'm scared I am going to waste a year there, on the other hand I don't want to be working a full-time job all year whilst trying to do some training which I won't have the time for/be able to afford. A vicious circle. Frustrating to say the least!

My motivation (sticking to the title) has gone out of the window. Each year I have changed my career path and this has led me to not fully knowing what I want.
I'm not the worst academic and I am quite creative at the same time, and so this leaves me in a mess.
Obviously I prefer the creative side to me, but this requires dedication and commitment which I am lacking. Most people have one side of their brain active and the other one barely gets used. I am within the minute population who uses both sides equally. I think logically, but when I need to I go to the other side where I act and write and sing.

At the moment I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying that I am doing things little by little to encourage myself into full blown commitment.

I have started the gym, which will hopefully get me fit/toned/slim and give me more confidence to know I have a chance in the acting world.

I try and blog as often as possible, but now a days that isn't that much.

I have been waking up earlier even on my days off which gives me a more positive feeling in the mornings.

                    I think most of all, having nothing to look forward too is killing me.

I don't have any money to plan a trip/book an acting course/book a holiday or even treat myself to some new jeans (which I am in need of).

All in all, my balance is off set to negative rather than positive at the moment, and I am trying my best to get and stay positive.

If you have any tips on staying positive and motivated. PLEASE, let me know! haha

Rant over.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Actually been busy!

The fact is for once I have actually been busy...

Shocking I know!

I have started training for my new job at (anon) a big place in which I can't mention the name of.
So far its been very draining and most of the time boring.

Waking up early to get dressed, walk to the tube, travel on the tube and walking time at the end of the journey means my hour of awakening has been ungodly and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I have been going to bed especially early but this hasn't really helped my case.
So drained all the time.

On top of that I still have the night job of a weekend so that means my weekend nights are taken up, I thought I would be able to quit this job following my recent day employment but the fact is I don't get paid until the 31st of July from my main job, which is ridiculous. Also I am not working during most of July which means I would have had 0 income if not for a second job. Just my luck.

So at the moment I'm living off a pathetic amount which most of is going on travel into the city centre almost everyday.

So I am broke.
Money is the route of all depression. Well mine anyway.

I would say on a lighter note....but there is nothing.
Oh wait, maybe..

I have made a few friends whilst training, which I am glad of, means I'm not a complete social reject anymore. We will see if it lasts, but I hope so.

This year is going way to fast for my liking, I am thinking about starting university already and its only the end of June. It's complicated but basically my summer job runs over into when my university starting date is so I need to prove to them I have been accepted and the date of acceptance. Pain in the bum.
Hopefully new friends will be made at uni. too, fingers crossed.

Also the next auditions for drama schools will be coming up end of this year which I need to be prepared for. I have started looking at monologues, I think I'm going for a comedic approach to my chosen monologue this year, I think it suits me better...ha. I have been reading a book of monologues and duologue's by Victoria Wood which has a couple of gems in!

This money business is just the bain of  my life at the moment, I need a new bag as I have 2 in my possession and neither one is practical, ridiculous.
I still have a positive outlook that this is just my low time and that it will pick up in no time...
One day I will have enough money to be comfortable if not above that.

Joined the gym = get an actresses body (the dream)

Hopefully I will blog sooner this time but who knows! and may even be more interesting...

P.s If anyone would like to give me money they are more than welcome!!

Goodnight and Goodbye!

Monday, 28 May 2012

It has been a while..take 2

As you can see I haven't blogged in some time...

But it means more to write about ? we will see ha.

Where to start...

Well I think the last time I blogged was just before I went back to my home town for a week..
It started with a long coach trip to Preston which took about 6 hours, which wasn't too bad actually seeing as though I get travel sick. Got picked up from Preston by my boyfriends brother.

That night we went for a few drinks with a couple of my boyfriends friends (the ones that aren't total dicks) and had a nice night. Next night involved another night out which started out feeble and ended up being a really good night thanks to some great people! The only thing that let it down was my lack of money at the time. But we managed, just.

My drunk boyfriend  and Ross!

The rest of the week consisted of a trip to Coniston/lots of bad food/Birthday dinners/Visit to my Grandad/Multiple gaming nights/A drive to the coast road and not much else. But overall not as bad as I thought the trip was going to be.

You'd think I would go into more detail, but no...*series of montages*

We drove back to London the following Friday and I was really glad to be going back! My home town has nothing to offer me any more, my Grandad is the only reason I would visit at all. It's so sad but unfortunately its true. When you move to somewhere that has everything including your family and boyfriend what more is needed? Apart from good friends which I lack. But hopefully that will all change when I venture into university world.

As soon as we got back the weather seemed to perk up which cheered me up profusely!
We chilled for the next two days as I work at night until 4am so energy lacks during the days. However one of my boyfriends friends was down in London so we woke up early on the Sunday and went into Camden market.
It was a really nice relaxed day. Had a browse around the market and then grabbed some


from a little place on the corner... they sold that bang bang chicken. Sold it well.
If you've ever been to Camden I'm sure you know what I am on about ha!
Anyway said our goodbyes and were on our way.

Then as the nice weather has progressed I think I've been out everyday!
Just to local places really like; Muswell Hill/Wood Green/Alexander palace

We have been a bit out of the way, the other day we went to Kensington Gardens which was really nice! Never been there before, but it had everything, Fountains/Grass/Trees/Play-park/Cafe. It was a beautiful day out and we took my sister too and I think she had a great time too!

Here's some pics from the day;

The fountains+My sister

Me on a giant ship!

Today however we went to see Men In Black 3!
Really good film, I actually wasn't expecting much, but it was really cleverly done and apparently hurt my boyfriends head because of all the time travelling haha!

On a more personal note I dyed my hair back to a normal colour and it is now dark brown again, hooray.
I don't like my hair blonde I have finally decided.

Getting my shit together, exercise is back and bad food is out, felt so stodgy after that week at my home town. So jogging is back and it feels good!

Getting my tan on, but my skin doesn't seem to like to tan. We will see.

Got a training day for Buckingham Palace which is on the 12th of June, lots of paperwork was sent off for that again...
And my Grade 5 theory is coming up and I need to crack on and practice.

Special mention to this guy;

Nice one Steeley

For making us welcome and wanting to spend his precious time with me and my boyfriend in my home town ;)

Well I want to be writing more again so lets see how long it takes for me to write again!


Tuesday, 8 May 2012

A busy life

Is what I'm wishing for right now...

I will probably regret this knowing me.
 Having a slow life, not doing anything everyday, I don't know how people cope with it. I know I don't do NOTHING but it's more draining being lazy for me.

It makes you more prone to doing 'the wrong things', like;

  •  Eat because your just bored...It's something to do.
  •  Over think your life's direction and where you think you're going.
  •  Get down over these two things.
  •  Get fatter
  • Worry about money

My theory anyway, I'm sure there are more things.

I've decided what I want to write about, It sounds so sad but I want to write about a dream I had. It had a very deep moral which I have never thought about before.

But being alone all your life and up until you die must be such a horrible feeling, and someone taking the time just to talk to you or give you a smile might make your day and make that horrible loneliness disappear...and might even stop you from giving up on yourself and the world.

I wrote this the other day when I thought humanity might have had hope...
Some still do, but others don't. So much hatred in this world for no reason at all, why? what's calling people names and accusing them of things going to achieve but hurt and embarrassment on both ends.

If you know me personally you will know what I'm talking about, and I am sick to death of the situation. I don't live in my home town any more but that's where the problems seem to lie.
And lets face it, I am so glad I'm out of there and with the person I want to be with. Let them live there small town lives and let there only joy come from insulting other people....

Rant over- for now

Stay tuned for some extracts from the story I'm going to write...eventually!

and however cheesy this sounds-

Do not dwell in the past. 


Sunday, 29 April 2012

I Ponder

Yet again my mind is drifting in and out of ideas I want to do...

I might set myself some targets of things I'd love to do, and ACTUALLY do them!

1. Go travelling. I don't care where, how, just do it. 
2. Write a novel
3. Get into drama school
4. Get my voice into good shape
5. Get famous/ recognised

Too much to ask? NEVER.

I know it's a great honour to be selected to work at Buckingham Palace over the summer, but that is all my summer gone in a flash. I will be working 9-5 everyday, in retail, which is boring...
The only upside is I can save some money up.

This life thing is such a vicious circle. You work, you save, you work, got no time off to go on holiday/travelling, you're at uni, no time, no money! argh.

Its such a depressing cycle, no wonder 1 in 10 people are depressed. Especially women apparently!

So much to see in the world, but most people spend their lives in England, working, striving for a career which in turn makes them anxious and stressed 24/7. Worrying about money/work. Worrying about the future and where their lives are heading...if anywhere. But hardly anyone makes that change, takes a chance at life. Unfortunately things might not turn out the way you wanted but that is LIFE. Why sit around miserable all your life, go for that top goal! If you fail, you try again...
It's a message I should be telling myself over and over again, but it is hard, it strains every part of your life. Health/financial/loved ones, but it will all be worth it... won't it?

The hardest part of anything will always be the first step, making the change and sticking to it.

Everything now a days is money, its so sad. Money can't buy you happiness? but it can come pretty darn close...

No time to dwell on what could of been, think of what COULD be.

Think of where your life is heading, is it the direction you want? or could you be doing more...
I know I could. And to be fair I really need to start taking my own advice, like most people, they can dish it out but usually don't take it.

Well that's made me feel a little better about things and definitely more positive towards my goals.

First step for you might be to write a blog! It feels like you're doing something to help.

However sad and lonely that sounds.

Just remember...

Nothings impossible.


Thursday, 26 April 2012

Bad week

As you can tell from the title my week hasn't gone to swell so far...


It's been raining all of the week which is a constant downer, so Monday and Tuesday were dossing  days, Tuesday I decided to get back into my work-out video. Which was an amazing idea at the time and I felt awesome after it.. However, I woke up Wednesday morning in some considerable pain, mostly in my legs ! Not good.

I had also booked a hair appointment for the same day in which I wanted a big change for the summer, I wanted to get rid of the black and go a blonde/brown colour. And so I know I was going to have to pay a lot for this, but I wanted it done right.

Went there, was going smoothly, obviously I had the bright orange stage but they toned it down. I was there for about 3-4 hours. I was hoping for the best as everyone had such a positive attitude saying it was all going so well...
Anyway it got to the point of drying and cutting. The colour looked an okay colour wet. But slowly as it dried it became a straw blonde/ gingery blonde. Had my hair cut shorter again into a bob which I wasn't bothered about, I'm used to short hair. But I was not used to the colour. I then paid the £175 fee and left. At first when I left the salon I was okay with it. But then my boyfriend commented saying it was ginger. That was the first step. Then my sister commented in the morning saying the same thing, and then my mother. I then became overwhelmed with anguish. I started crying and having a fit, I hated the colour so much! How can someone charge £175 for that mess?!

I went into Wood Green and decided I need a toner. I didn't even want to step out the door it was that bad. I got the toner and went straight home. Did the toner and well... it's a little bit better. Little less ginger. But still a horrible colour. So more dye will have to be used tomorrow.

I want to go back to the salon and complain. But all I will get is " we told you it would turn out a different colour" or "It was the best we could do, you did have dark hair.."  I can't be bothered arguing with people, but in the future I will self colour. I don't care what anybody says about 'professional', If I screw my own hair up its free!!

Also my legs still hurt....Boo Hiss.

On the upside I made pizza from scratch this week! Dough and all! It was some tasty shit.

Home-made pizza!

Also went to a local quiz night at o'neills, we didn't do too bad, only because there was a Disney music round which I aced! haha, and we had Eton mess, I thought it was going to be small so I ordered two! 

Eton Mess!
So apart from my hair being destroyed not too bad. But my hair is pretty important to me... as any girls is!

Oh and one more thing, I got rejected by Central School of Speech and Drama finally. So I guess its Kingston university this year! 

More again soon I hope, we will see what goes on, hopefully nicer hair! 


Monday, 23 April 2012

A state of depression hits again...

I said I would write everyday, but I've realised one there is nothing to write about and two I'm in a state of energy loss and loss of brain functionality...

Uh Oh. 

This is one of the states that is hard to get out of, as there is a viscous circle.
Still trying to eat healthy which is causing some lack of energy..

Anyway, I need to get this 'career' moving. I was recommended to go on an audition technique course because I was rejected from RADA and LAMDA but I am not willing to pay £700 for a 2 week course, however much its going to help my career.
So I found a cheaper version for just one week at Mountview which is a school everyone seems to be raving about to me. So applications next year might have to expand to other schools.
Still £275 but when I hopefully hear from Buckingham Palace that my security check has gone through I will be starting full time work in June.Which will help with the cost of course.
Start saving a bit of money for courses and auditions etc.

I HAVE to start singing again which I still haven't brought myself to do, but hopefully one day I will just want to start again. I hate having to start over, my voice is weak because I haven't used it but if I don't again it won't get any better! CIRCLES !

I need a few amazing monologues that I enjoy reading and I can relate with. Finding it HARD. If you have any suggestions feel free......

 I don't know how people bring themselves to do things everyday on a routine, maybe when you are busy all day, but then you are still tired after your day at work. Who knows.

Well I'm waffling now so I best go and do something productive? Jokes.

Here is a picture that just cheered me up !


Monday, 16 April 2012

My Interesting day!

I was sick of staying in all day so I decided a day trip was in order.

Me and my boyfriend caught the bus to Camden town, I thought he needed to see more of London and Camden is a cultural place..I think.

Having fun in Camden

We browsed and I decided to get my upper ear pierced. Went into a shop called 'cold steel' they were actually really friendly, I got it done right there and then, hardly any pain at all, so shocked at this. I think it looks nice and feminine, rather than a ton of piercings on one ear. 

My new piercing

We browsed some more and we found numerous food stalls which I wish we had stopped at, but when we arrived in Camden we were so starving subway was the only option...

Anyway, as we walked out of the market someone asked the way out, we could not understand a word he said, I thought he was foreign, but when I listened closely he was actually just Scottish!
As we came out of the market onto the street we looked across the road, looked again...

There walking across the street was a man with a full sized cardboard box on his head with a flap cut out for his eyes. Also this box had multiple drawings on it, I think he thought he was going to be attacked any second.
A guy approach us and in passing said: " A live in a box" we both laughed very hard.
Then the Scottish guy reappeared and said he loved Camden, and there is some strange people around, we nodded,laughed and moved on.

Got back on the bus and went home, then decided to go to Nando's for tea at about 6.30, everyone on facebook and friends have said this place is amazing, so I thought a trip was in order.
It was okay, we got a meal platter which was a whole chicken with spicy sauce and chips. I think all the hype just made me disappointed in what happened. It's more of a group place to go than a couple place, a party might be nice there.

My boyfriend @ Nando's

We went to see The Hunger games after, again everyone had raved about this saying its similar to battle royale, after the film I was kind of speechless. The ending was rubbish, explained nothing that had happened in the film. The people you wanted to win, won. Yes, people died, a young girl died half way through that was very emotional. There was a slight uprising about this, but the 'bad guys' stayed in power. The film was well put together but the story was slightly disturbing and messed up.  Not my kind of film:

I'm waiting for two films to come out at the moment; Snow white and the huntsman & The avengers  
Now those films are worth waiting for!

Strange and eventful day, I do hope more days are like this, but that's life.

Be sure to stay tuned for more London fun !   

Friday, 13 April 2012

Meeting that someone special

Seeing as though I have done nothing today I have decided to write about a topic that surrounds everyone's lives at one point or another... trying to get a girlfriend/boyfriend.

As unfortunately my experience only includes 3 relationships I can't really talk about meeting people, but I can talk about what I have witnessed.

My first relationship was through a social networking sight which no-one uses now...
My second and my current involved meeting them through friends, which I have found is one of the best ways, you have friends in common then and hopefully that will work in your favour.

But what I have learnt is that its not the girls who are nervous, its the guys.

They don't know how to approach a girl, speak to a girl, and can't even comprehend asking them out. Obviously there are those few guys who have mega confidence, which usually comes from their six pack and bulging muscles. But a lot of women do not find that attractive. Including myself, I much prefer an intelligent/funny man who I can relate with and have a conversation with them that doesn't involve how long they have spent at the gym today or how many cars they own/want to own.

Apparently brainy is the new sexy.  Personally always has been for me.

Anyway, back to my point, bars and clubs are the usual place to "pick up women" but are they the place to meet a woman that wants to commit ? or are you meeting another one night stand who is emotionally unstable and needs the comfort of a man.

I'm probably stating the obvious, but the fact is some people still do not understand the concept of 'dating'.

Do not get me wrong, I have been on the receiving end of men drunk in a club and its not nice. You don't need to be drunk to approach a woman! Why don't you start off sober, meet a girl then slowly throughout the night get to know her and then you can both get drunk together.. totally ligit.

I'm no angel though, I have had flings and hurt people, but this was because I was emotionally unstable at the time after coming out of a relationship. Which was the only relationship I was actually happy after coming after it. But I am still friends with these people because I realised what I did and tried to put it right. But after all this I met my current boyfriend, so I suppose if that had not have happened I wouldn't have met my guy, who I am very smitten with!

He is going to read this, but I would just like to say he is the perfect balance of Intelligent/Funny/Sexy and easy going I need. I can be an uptight person, but he always manages to calm me down and make me laugh. He can be serious too. Anyway I think he's lovely and I hope this is the last time I have to date!

In conclusion, LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Go for it. You know if you like someone.

Excuse my ramblings ! Tomorrow I will hopefully have more about my day to write about !


Thursday, 12 April 2012


Like everybody says, at new years mainly, they are going to make changes.

Well throughout the year that is me. I get one crazy idea follow it for a week or so, then get bored or realise to progress any further a lot of money is involved. So taking this into account I THINK I have finally discovered some of my commitments that involve little money or its a career choice. Either way I need to start following on with things to the end or foreseeable future.

This involves; Jogging regularly (as its free), Blogging (free again) and taking the steps to get acting experience and improve my chances of getting into a good drama school to be trained up. Oh and also my singing needs to be reappearing back into my life, as I believe this may help my chances in later life.

The thing about all these things is commitment. Sticking to it.

Some people will commit their lives into what they want to do, some people like me will  flit back and forth into careers until they find what they enjoy or in this case what they are naturally good at.

But regularly doing anything will in-turn progressively make you more advanced at it.

So basically my message is, you CAN do anything, you just need to work at it and have the determination to reach a higher goal. BOOM, philosophical much ?

Anyway, back to the boring stuff, my day consisted of little activity. I went for a Jog with my boyfriend, went to Muswell Hill for some charity shop hunting and food shopping. Some exciting stuff right? Bet you're on the edge of your seat.

Can I just add my next crazy idea will involve me trying to write something that is actually worth while and express my opinions... we will see.

Whilst we are on the subject of opinions, I want the labour party back in power.


Gut Nacht

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Its been a while..

Well, i'm back again ...

I suppose I have a great deal to write about but can I be bothered ? ha

Firstly I did my drama school auditions, got rejected by RADA and waiting to hear from LAMDA and central. I'm not surprised by the outcome and will not be surprised to be rejected by the other two. I have my university spot at Kingston and it looks like that's where I will be heading for a year atleast, then I will re-audition next year for drama school as I will feel more prepared. My auditions didn't go according to plan particularly, RADA I was very nervous and forgot my words, LAMDA was okay didn't forgot anything, and central I only discovered the day before auditioning that there was a set list for classical monologues. So that shit me up good and proper, I managed to learn a classical speech in one night, and performed it, but even that went wrong. So I do not expect immediate entry to any of them!

 Job wise, I have a weekend night job at a local nightclub which keeps me afloat. Also I have been accepted to work at Buckingham Palace in the summer June-October, I am excited about it but also dreading full time work. Got to get back into the routine of getting up everyday. At the moment i'm lazy and thus making me tired all the time.

I am determined yet again to become fit. Going to start with a slight jog 3-4 times a week and obviously healthy eating is back.

My boyfriend has moved down to London and is now living with me and my family. We are looking to move into our own place but money is needed before this can happen.

Confusion set in the other day about what I really want to do with my life. Of course acting is the main route I want to go down, but am I prepared for the constant rejections and uptight people surrounding me on a daily basis? Or do I want a more academic route which involves talent being judged on paper rather than performance...

Everyone says i'm so young, but the fact is I want to start my career now, whatever it is. I want to be learning and constantly involved with acting/singing.

I really want to take my singing back up and practice as much as possible, this could help me a lot in the future being able to sing and act. I think maybe musical theatre might be my route but I choose not the accept it fully yet.

Anyway, I need to write more and so I will, Tomorrow is a brand new day and I will still be writing!

Ciao for now.

Friday, 10 February 2012

Audition for NYT

Well my first audition parading my monologues is soon approaching....

Sunday is the day, excited  and also nervous as i'm sure anybody would be! The thing that effect me and so many other people i'm sure is forgetting my words....
But I like to think i'm good at picking things up fast and hopefully I can make up something if all goes to pot! Shouldn't be promoting that but never mind!

Also my throat is in a terrible way which could effect my whole day but hopefully I can keep it under control for now.

Still having money problems.. looking for a job got interviews as i've said but having no money is  getting me down , simply because applications need to be sent and things need to be set rolling as soon as possible.

I need to find a house for me, my mum , my sister and my boyfriend , in north london , with basically no money , so that is a challenge!

I'm thinking positively still though, that everything will eventually come together and we'll be fine, but you know CHIN UP haha.

I have added a twitter widget to my blogger profile so feel free to follow me.

Goodbye again ,


Monday, 6 February 2012


Well feeling ill these last few days has put a downer on my situation again as things were starting to look up!

I have an audition on Sunday for the national youth theatre and I am looking forward to it actually, even though i'm not 100% prepared to say the least....
Also I have a job interview for Buckingham palace which has excited me , just a summer job but it will look good on any CV saying I have worked for the royal family!
Weight loss is another target of mine, i'm feeling groggy and horrid. Partly because of having a terribile headache, blocked nose, cough etc. But also because everytime I seem to be with my boyfriend I eat a load of rubbish! ha.

Anyway I am trying my best to promote this blog and my professional one so if you like this one please go on my new one ;

I will be writing about everything and anything to do with acting.

anyway just a short one to get me back into it once again!


Sunday, 22 January 2012

Positive Thinking

Well the time has come for positive thinking to take place!

I have taken two books out of the library on how to think positively and how to make the right choices in life. Basically telling me what I already knew but it drives the point home.

Got my UCAS letter now i'm just waiting for the universities to get back in touch with me, Fingers crossed and all that jazz. Still waiting to send my RADA and LAMDA applications off but like I said i'm waiting until last minute.

Well being back in London started badly but i'm slowly getting used to it again. Realised its the better place to be again, but i'm hoping to up sticks and leave the family home soon. Big challenge with no money but i'm determined.

Making new friends is the target these next few months. Most of the friendships I had in Barrow have turned sour so a new lease of life and friends is in order! Maybe that will give me a new spring in my step.

I think I will try and find some local drama society or choir and join. I miss the groups.

Anyway apart from having no friends and hating most of my family, life is actually OK! I'm becoming more positive about myself and in the long term if selfish is what I become its what I must become....


Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Back in London

Well after a month and a half I'm back in London city...

I was excited, but getting here to find I no longer have a bedroom, a duvet or a life sort of put a downer on things.
Decided I perhaps NEED to find a job as I am on the bones of my arse money wise at the moment. And this is another factor restricting me from doing things in and around London.
I was hoping that I may have had a few Christmas cards here but I was sadly mistaken. Got one off my Grandad and that's the extent of it.

Anyway enough of the depressing rant, I'm back in London for a reason and that is to get my acting career back on track and hopefully find somewhere to live of my own.

Leaving my current boyfriend in the north was the most difficult task. As my family do not provide much support he is the only one I can count on, which when looked at retrospectively is not the ideal situation. But in the most simple of terms, I miss him.

Hopefully now I have applied for UCAS as well as RADA and LAMDA I will feel safer having a back up plan for the future because things aren't moving fast enough for me.

Anyway its my mothers birthday today and I thought we might have gone out for a meal or something but as usual she has gone off with her friends into the city centre and left me to look after my sister. Personal babysitter.

Well all I can say is I hope this downward spiral shoots upwards at some point.

Goodbye for now.  

Monday, 9 January 2012


Well , I've been neglecting this blog for sometime and it needs some attention!

Not much has happened really, apart from me being really into photography at the moment.
Whilst being in a little town surrounded by countryside its always a perfect time to take pictures.
So I went to a local forest and spent a good couple of hours there taking some pictures of the beautiful world we live in ! Not appreciated as much as it should be of course.

Also having this month to reflect on my life has put me in the same mind set I was a few months ago which is I need to get my career moving... I need to do things that keep me going each day and get me motivated enough to get up and GO.

Auditions are coming up for drama school and I am, well, scared to say the least!
Preparation still needs to be done and confidence still needs to be built but hopefully that will come soon..

RADA and LAMDA are the two I am auditioning for which happen to be the most prestigious two in London, I don't seem to aim low... but if I am rejected I have no idea what I will do, I am not prepared for that outcome and am not looking forward to it....

Positive attitudes need to remain, for example



hope has to remain somewhere !

Anyway back to London I go next Monday, to start again properly this time!

Ciao for now!

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

The new year

Well , the new year has finally arrived and has sort of lifted my spirits somewhat....
Still the same routine remains for now but determination is afoot!
How hard it is to get into the acting business needs to be at the back of my mind not the front...Just my love of acting should remain at the forefront of my mind! Practice Practice Practice!

Set the aims, meet them!

Anyway my new year was okay but could have been better, the need to go out and party has completely gone out of the window, drink just does not interest me. I'm 19 this should not be happening yet! Never mind I still enjoyed myself and enjoyed the company.

Back to London soon, back to reality.

Ciao for now.