Sunday, 29 April 2012

I Ponder

Yet again my mind is drifting in and out of ideas I want to do...

I might set myself some targets of things I'd love to do, and ACTUALLY do them!

1. Go travelling. I don't care where, how, just do it. 
2. Write a novel
3. Get into drama school
4. Get my voice into good shape
5. Get famous/ recognised

Too much to ask? NEVER.

I know it's a great honour to be selected to work at Buckingham Palace over the summer, but that is all my summer gone in a flash. I will be working 9-5 everyday, in retail, which is boring...
The only upside is I can save some money up.

This life thing is such a vicious circle. You work, you save, you work, got no time off to go on holiday/travelling, you're at uni, no time, no money! argh.

Its such a depressing cycle, no wonder 1 in 10 people are depressed. Especially women apparently!

So much to see in the world, but most people spend their lives in England, working, striving for a career which in turn makes them anxious and stressed 24/7. Worrying about money/work. Worrying about the future and where their lives are heading...if anywhere. But hardly anyone makes that change, takes a chance at life. Unfortunately things might not turn out the way you wanted but that is LIFE. Why sit around miserable all your life, go for that top goal! If you fail, you try again...
It's a message I should be telling myself over and over again, but it is hard, it strains every part of your life. Health/financial/loved ones, but it will all be worth it... won't it?

The hardest part of anything will always be the first step, making the change and sticking to it.

Everything now a days is money, its so sad. Money can't buy you happiness? but it can come pretty darn close...

No time to dwell on what could of been, think of what COULD be.

Think of where your life is heading, is it the direction you want? or could you be doing more...
I know I could. And to be fair I really need to start taking my own advice, like most people, they can dish it out but usually don't take it.

Well that's made me feel a little better about things and definitely more positive towards my goals.

First step for you might be to write a blog! It feels like you're doing something to help.

However sad and lonely that sounds.

Just remember...

Nothings impossible.


Thursday, 26 April 2012

Bad week

As you can tell from the title my week hasn't gone to swell so far...


It's been raining all of the week which is a constant downer, so Monday and Tuesday were dossing  days, Tuesday I decided to get back into my work-out video. Which was an amazing idea at the time and I felt awesome after it.. However, I woke up Wednesday morning in some considerable pain, mostly in my legs ! Not good.

I had also booked a hair appointment for the same day in which I wanted a big change for the summer, I wanted to get rid of the black and go a blonde/brown colour. And so I know I was going to have to pay a lot for this, but I wanted it done right.

Went there, was going smoothly, obviously I had the bright orange stage but they toned it down. I was there for about 3-4 hours. I was hoping for the best as everyone had such a positive attitude saying it was all going so well...
Anyway it got to the point of drying and cutting. The colour looked an okay colour wet. But slowly as it dried it became a straw blonde/ gingery blonde. Had my hair cut shorter again into a bob which I wasn't bothered about, I'm used to short hair. But I was not used to the colour. I then paid the £175 fee and left. At first when I left the salon I was okay with it. But then my boyfriend commented saying it was ginger. That was the first step. Then my sister commented in the morning saying the same thing, and then my mother. I then became overwhelmed with anguish. I started crying and having a fit, I hated the colour so much! How can someone charge £175 for that mess?!

I went into Wood Green and decided I need a toner. I didn't even want to step out the door it was that bad. I got the toner and went straight home. Did the toner and well... it's a little bit better. Little less ginger. But still a horrible colour. So more dye will have to be used tomorrow.

I want to go back to the salon and complain. But all I will get is " we told you it would turn out a different colour" or "It was the best we could do, you did have dark hair.."  I can't be bothered arguing with people, but in the future I will self colour. I don't care what anybody says about 'professional', If I screw my own hair up its free!!

Also my legs still hurt....Boo Hiss.

On the upside I made pizza from scratch this week! Dough and all! It was some tasty shit.

Home-made pizza!

Also went to a local quiz night at o'neills, we didn't do too bad, only because there was a Disney music round which I aced! haha, and we had Eton mess, I thought it was going to be small so I ordered two! 

Eton Mess!
So apart from my hair being destroyed not too bad. But my hair is pretty important to me... as any girls is!

Oh and one more thing, I got rejected by Central School of Speech and Drama finally. So I guess its Kingston university this year! 

More again soon I hope, we will see what goes on, hopefully nicer hair! 


Monday, 23 April 2012

A state of depression hits again...

I said I would write everyday, but I've realised one there is nothing to write about and two I'm in a state of energy loss and loss of brain functionality...

Uh Oh. 

This is one of the states that is hard to get out of, as there is a viscous circle.
Still trying to eat healthy which is causing some lack of energy..

Anyway, I need to get this 'career' moving. I was recommended to go on an audition technique course because I was rejected from RADA and LAMDA but I am not willing to pay £700 for a 2 week course, however much its going to help my career.
So I found a cheaper version for just one week at Mountview which is a school everyone seems to be raving about to me. So applications next year might have to expand to other schools.
Still £275 but when I hopefully hear from Buckingham Palace that my security check has gone through I will be starting full time work in June.Which will help with the cost of course.
Start saving a bit of money for courses and auditions etc.

I HAVE to start singing again which I still haven't brought myself to do, but hopefully one day I will just want to start again. I hate having to start over, my voice is weak because I haven't used it but if I don't again it won't get any better! CIRCLES !

I need a few amazing monologues that I enjoy reading and I can relate with. Finding it HARD. If you have any suggestions feel free......

 I don't know how people bring themselves to do things everyday on a routine, maybe when you are busy all day, but then you are still tired after your day at work. Who knows.

Well I'm waffling now so I best go and do something productive? Jokes.

Here is a picture that just cheered me up !


Monday, 16 April 2012

My Interesting day!

I was sick of staying in all day so I decided a day trip was in order.

Me and my boyfriend caught the bus to Camden town, I thought he needed to see more of London and Camden is a cultural place..I think.

Having fun in Camden

We browsed and I decided to get my upper ear pierced. Went into a shop called 'cold steel' they were actually really friendly, I got it done right there and then, hardly any pain at all, so shocked at this. I think it looks nice and feminine, rather than a ton of piercings on one ear. 

My new piercing

We browsed some more and we found numerous food stalls which I wish we had stopped at, but when we arrived in Camden we were so starving subway was the only option...

Anyway, as we walked out of the market someone asked the way out, we could not understand a word he said, I thought he was foreign, but when I listened closely he was actually just Scottish!
As we came out of the market onto the street we looked across the road, looked again...

There walking across the street was a man with a full sized cardboard box on his head with a flap cut out for his eyes. Also this box had multiple drawings on it, I think he thought he was going to be attacked any second.
A guy approach us and in passing said: " A live in a box" we both laughed very hard.
Then the Scottish guy reappeared and said he loved Camden, and there is some strange people around, we nodded,laughed and moved on.

Got back on the bus and went home, then decided to go to Nando's for tea at about 6.30, everyone on facebook and friends have said this place is amazing, so I thought a trip was in order.
It was okay, we got a meal platter which was a whole chicken with spicy sauce and chips. I think all the hype just made me disappointed in what happened. It's more of a group place to go than a couple place, a party might be nice there.

My boyfriend @ Nando's

We went to see The Hunger games after, again everyone had raved about this saying its similar to battle royale, after the film I was kind of speechless. The ending was rubbish, explained nothing that had happened in the film. The people you wanted to win, won. Yes, people died, a young girl died half way through that was very emotional. There was a slight uprising about this, but the 'bad guys' stayed in power. The film was well put together but the story was slightly disturbing and messed up.  Not my kind of film:

I'm waiting for two films to come out at the moment; Snow white and the huntsman & The avengers  
Now those films are worth waiting for!

Strange and eventful day, I do hope more days are like this, but that's life.

Be sure to stay tuned for more London fun !   

Friday, 13 April 2012

Meeting that someone special

Seeing as though I have done nothing today I have decided to write about a topic that surrounds everyone's lives at one point or another... trying to get a girlfriend/boyfriend.

As unfortunately my experience only includes 3 relationships I can't really talk about meeting people, but I can talk about what I have witnessed.

My first relationship was through a social networking sight which no-one uses now...
My second and my current involved meeting them through friends, which I have found is one of the best ways, you have friends in common then and hopefully that will work in your favour.

But what I have learnt is that its not the girls who are nervous, its the guys.

They don't know how to approach a girl, speak to a girl, and can't even comprehend asking them out. Obviously there are those few guys who have mega confidence, which usually comes from their six pack and bulging muscles. But a lot of women do not find that attractive. Including myself, I much prefer an intelligent/funny man who I can relate with and have a conversation with them that doesn't involve how long they have spent at the gym today or how many cars they own/want to own.

Apparently brainy is the new sexy.  Personally always has been for me.

Anyway, back to my point, bars and clubs are the usual place to "pick up women" but are they the place to meet a woman that wants to commit ? or are you meeting another one night stand who is emotionally unstable and needs the comfort of a man.

I'm probably stating the obvious, but the fact is some people still do not understand the concept of 'dating'.

Do not get me wrong, I have been on the receiving end of men drunk in a club and its not nice. You don't need to be drunk to approach a woman! Why don't you start off sober, meet a girl then slowly throughout the night get to know her and then you can both get drunk together.. totally ligit.

I'm no angel though, I have had flings and hurt people, but this was because I was emotionally unstable at the time after coming out of a relationship. Which was the only relationship I was actually happy after coming after it. But I am still friends with these people because I realised what I did and tried to put it right. But after all this I met my current boyfriend, so I suppose if that had not have happened I wouldn't have met my guy, who I am very smitten with!

He is going to read this, but I would just like to say he is the perfect balance of Intelligent/Funny/Sexy and easy going I need. I can be an uptight person, but he always manages to calm me down and make me laugh. He can be serious too. Anyway I think he's lovely and I hope this is the last time I have to date!

In conclusion, LIFE IS TOO SHORT! Go for it. You know if you like someone.

Excuse my ramblings ! Tomorrow I will hopefully have more about my day to write about !


Thursday, 12 April 2012


Like everybody says, at new years mainly, they are going to make changes.

Well throughout the year that is me. I get one crazy idea follow it for a week or so, then get bored or realise to progress any further a lot of money is involved. So taking this into account I THINK I have finally discovered some of my commitments that involve little money or its a career choice. Either way I need to start following on with things to the end or foreseeable future.

This involves; Jogging regularly (as its free), Blogging (free again) and taking the steps to get acting experience and improve my chances of getting into a good drama school to be trained up. Oh and also my singing needs to be reappearing back into my life, as I believe this may help my chances in later life.

The thing about all these things is commitment. Sticking to it.

Some people will commit their lives into what they want to do, some people like me will  flit back and forth into careers until they find what they enjoy or in this case what they are naturally good at.

But regularly doing anything will in-turn progressively make you more advanced at it.

So basically my message is, you CAN do anything, you just need to work at it and have the determination to reach a higher goal. BOOM, philosophical much ?

Anyway, back to the boring stuff, my day consisted of little activity. I went for a Jog with my boyfriend, went to Muswell Hill for some charity shop hunting and food shopping. Some exciting stuff right? Bet you're on the edge of your seat.

Can I just add my next crazy idea will involve me trying to write something that is actually worth while and express my opinions... we will see.

Whilst we are on the subject of opinions, I want the labour party back in power.


Gut Nacht

Tuesday, 10 April 2012

Its been a while..

Well, i'm back again ...

I suppose I have a great deal to write about but can I be bothered ? ha

Firstly I did my drama school auditions, got rejected by RADA and waiting to hear from LAMDA and central. I'm not surprised by the outcome and will not be surprised to be rejected by the other two. I have my university spot at Kingston and it looks like that's where I will be heading for a year atleast, then I will re-audition next year for drama school as I will feel more prepared. My auditions didn't go according to plan particularly, RADA I was very nervous and forgot my words, LAMDA was okay didn't forgot anything, and central I only discovered the day before auditioning that there was a set list for classical monologues. So that shit me up good and proper, I managed to learn a classical speech in one night, and performed it, but even that went wrong. So I do not expect immediate entry to any of them!

 Job wise, I have a weekend night job at a local nightclub which keeps me afloat. Also I have been accepted to work at Buckingham Palace in the summer June-October, I am excited about it but also dreading full time work. Got to get back into the routine of getting up everyday. At the moment i'm lazy and thus making me tired all the time.

I am determined yet again to become fit. Going to start with a slight jog 3-4 times a week and obviously healthy eating is back.

My boyfriend has moved down to London and is now living with me and my family. We are looking to move into our own place but money is needed before this can happen.

Confusion set in the other day about what I really want to do with my life. Of course acting is the main route I want to go down, but am I prepared for the constant rejections and uptight people surrounding me on a daily basis? Or do I want a more academic route which involves talent being judged on paper rather than performance...

Everyone says i'm so young, but the fact is I want to start my career now, whatever it is. I want to be learning and constantly involved with acting/singing.

I really want to take my singing back up and practice as much as possible, this could help me a lot in the future being able to sing and act. I think maybe musical theatre might be my route but I choose not the accept it fully yet.

Anyway, I need to write more and so I will, Tomorrow is a brand new day and I will still be writing!

Ciao for now.