Wednesday, 27 June 2012


It has just dawned on me that my long term goals have been pushed aside these last few months. And to be honest I can't afford to be doing that. If I want to get into drama school, which I do! Then I need to get practising and learning my monologues, I need to be perfection... I need to be more than perfection.
Impossible? most probably.

But having this full-time job and a part-time job is tiring me out. Draining me.
And the saddest thing is I have absolutely no money to show for it... ridiculous

Also as I'm going to university this year that is on my mind. I'm scared I am going to waste a year there, on the other hand I don't want to be working a full-time job all year whilst trying to do some training which I won't have the time for/be able to afford. A vicious circle. Frustrating to say the least!

My motivation (sticking to the title) has gone out of the window. Each year I have changed my career path and this has led me to not fully knowing what I want.
I'm not the worst academic and I am quite creative at the same time, and so this leaves me in a mess.
Obviously I prefer the creative side to me, but this requires dedication and commitment which I am lacking. Most people have one side of their brain active and the other one barely gets used. I am within the minute population who uses both sides equally. I think logically, but when I need to I go to the other side where I act and write and sing.

At the moment I'm trying to make myself feel better by saying that I am doing things little by little to encourage myself into full blown commitment.

I have started the gym, which will hopefully get me fit/toned/slim and give me more confidence to know I have a chance in the acting world.

I try and blog as often as possible, but now a days that isn't that much.

I have been waking up earlier even on my days off which gives me a more positive feeling in the mornings.

                    I think most of all, having nothing to look forward too is killing me.

I don't have any money to plan a trip/book an acting course/book a holiday or even treat myself to some new jeans (which I am in need of).

All in all, my balance is off set to negative rather than positive at the moment, and I am trying my best to get and stay positive.

If you have any tips on staying positive and motivated. PLEASE, let me know! haha

Rant over.

Thursday, 21 June 2012

Actually been busy!

The fact is for once I have actually been busy...

Shocking I know!

I have started training for my new job at (anon) a big place in which I can't mention the name of.
So far its been very draining and most of the time boring.

Waking up early to get dressed, walk to the tube, travel on the tube and walking time at the end of the journey means my hour of awakening has been ungodly and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I have been going to bed especially early but this hasn't really helped my case.
So drained all the time.

On top of that I still have the night job of a weekend so that means my weekend nights are taken up, I thought I would be able to quit this job following my recent day employment but the fact is I don't get paid until the 31st of July from my main job, which is ridiculous. Also I am not working during most of July which means I would have had 0 income if not for a second job. Just my luck.

So at the moment I'm living off a pathetic amount which most of is going on travel into the city centre almost everyday.

So I am broke.
Money is the route of all depression. Well mine anyway.

I would say on a lighter note....but there is nothing.
Oh wait, maybe..

I have made a few friends whilst training, which I am glad of, means I'm not a complete social reject anymore. We will see if it lasts, but I hope so.

This year is going way to fast for my liking, I am thinking about starting university already and its only the end of June. It's complicated but basically my summer job runs over into when my university starting date is so I need to prove to them I have been accepted and the date of acceptance. Pain in the bum.
Hopefully new friends will be made at uni. too, fingers crossed.

Also the next auditions for drama schools will be coming up end of this year which I need to be prepared for. I have started looking at monologues, I think I'm going for a comedic approach to my chosen monologue this year, I think it suits me better...ha. I have been reading a book of monologues and duologue's by Victoria Wood which has a couple of gems in!

This money business is just the bain of  my life at the moment, I need a new bag as I have 2 in my possession and neither one is practical, ridiculous.
I still have a positive outlook that this is just my low time and that it will pick up in no time...
One day I will have enough money to be comfortable if not above that.

Joined the gym = get an actresses body (the dream)

Hopefully I will blog sooner this time but who knows! and may even be more interesting...

P.s If anyone would like to give me money they are more than welcome!!

Goodnight and Goodbye!